Tuesday, Oct. 5
Matt is a man magnet.
Surprisingly, this has nothing to do with our decision to blend with the Mykonos locals by wearing a Speedo and a thong to the beach today. (We did not blend, but instead managed to blind a few people with our pale back sides.)
No – this magnetism revolves around Matt’s trip to the grocery store. On his way home, a Brazilian looking man with a fedora, surfer shorts and a tan pulled over to ask Matt where the party was.
The following is a detailed script of their conversation, told by a frightened Matthew Bateman. I’m going to warn you, it’s explicit. If you’re easily offended, please don’t read it. If you’re not, I’m sure you will find it as hilarious as we did.
Here’s what went down:
“Do you know where there’s a good place to party, man?” asked the Brazilian.
“I don’t know man, that’s not what we’re here for,” said Matt.
“So – do you want a ride,” he asked.
“No, I’m just trying to get some alone time from my girlfriend.” (Matt claims this was said as a joke.)
“Well, do you know where we can get some girls?” asked the Brazilian.
“Um, the beach,” said Matt.
“That’s where my wife is, looking for the same thing.”
“You can go to the town centre or even Ios because that’s a party island,” said Matt.
“No, we want it tonight. We want to go to a club where you can buy sex,” he said.
“I don’t know man, I would just try the centre of town or Ios,” said Matt, not knowing what else to say.
“OK, thanks,” said the Brazilian. After Matt pointed him in the direction of the city centre, he drove onwards. After 100 metres he pulled into a driveway as if he was going to make a U-turn, but instead stopped.
Matt kept walking, groceries in hand. (Shirtless, might I add.)
The Brazilian leaned out his window.
“So you’re sure you don’t know anywhere?”
“Sorry dude, I don’t know anywhere. I’ve heard that kind of stuff is on Ios,” said Matt.
“Well we don’t want to go there, we’re already here… so, you don’t know anywhere I can pay for sex – a guy or a girl? You know that type of thing – you suck my dick I suck your dick.”
“Man, I’ve seen so many posters for nudey bars and strip clubs – you should try one of those,” said Matt.
“Well my wife is already at the beach looking for people. You’re not available? We can smoke a joint … you can fuck my wife … I’ll watch you fuck my wife.”
“No, I’m not into that. I’ve got a girlfriend at home,” said Matt.
“Are you sure?” asked the Brazilian, trying to coax Matt to change his mind.
“Alright, fine.” And with that, the Brazilian pulled a U-turn and drove away.
Matt got home, shut the music off and said, “You will never believe what just happened.”
And there you have it.
After Matt had a cold shower and we ate some dinner we visited the corner store. There we saw a man walk in, take a Heineken out of the fridge, chug the entire beer, slam it down on the counter and walk out. He was a waiter at the restaurant across the street.
Greece is an interesting country.